Every fourth dimension you try to pick up an Olympic race on the TVNZ website you have to endure an advertisement from Beijing 2008 presenter Keith Quinn.
He�s better known for flogging funeral insurance but now he seems to be tanning a hearse, or a dead knight, that he describes as the nation�s favourite SUV which, dash, no one wants to own these days on account of the rise in petrol prices.
We can win one and only of the gas-guzzling road hogs by simply departure online and voting for our dearie Olympiad.
Just when we have been getting our heads around what will go down in New Zuld sporting history as the Veitchless Games, the land broadcaster is trying to groom an athlete and turn them into a celebrity.
Well, I guess in that respect are spaces that need filling for next year�s Dancing With The Stars.
Seriously though, I like having Ernie and Bert (Keith Quinn and John McBeth) as the go-to guys of the Games regular though the mighty Quinn wouldn�t open up his programme during his commentary of the opening because he didn�t want to break the plastic (he must roll up them) so we were in the dark around what was going to happen next.
But we knew dead cert that the Chinese would be dire to evince off their weapons of mass volcanic eruption with the impressive rental off of fireworks only (cough) adding to the pollution problem.
Ernie and Bert have the archival knowledge of previous Olympics and can sustain a steady hand on the tiller.
Peter Williams still looks like he can�t believe his luck that he�s thither and keeps looking for someone from Breakfast to do a throw to.
Geoff Bryan has been very tolerant of the younger roving reporters, particularly Toni Street at the rowing heats when she told Geoff his curls wouldn�t stand a chance in the humidity.
And did you see Mark Todd�s blouse, which at 7.30 in the morning clung to his manly trunk like something out of a wet T-shirt competition?
What�s the saying? Horses sweat, men sweat and ladies merely dew.
There was pile of wet at the women�s pairs diving event, which was voyeuristic with a washington V as the girls got out of the pool, tweaked their peregrine bathers back into line over their buttocks and had the cameras follow them into the shower where they washed the chlorine sour with lilliputian towels, causation male viewing audience to headway for a cold rain shower themselves.
One commentator described the American girlfriend divers� peel colour as ��tanorexic�� - wait till they catch a glimpse of sexlete swimmers like Aussie glam girl Stephanie Rice and American Playboy nude Amanda Beard.
If some of those female gymnasts are 16 then I want to know what their mothers have been feeding them.
Apparently some of their passports may get been updated, which way their birth certificates must be industrial plant of art.
What a pathos we didn�t get to see the last piece of the women�s wheel race which went in under and around the Great Wall of China in an intrepid travel that had the Russian girl devising a bid to erupt from the pack correct at the end.
And and then, in a clash of codes, suddenly we were watching the Oly-Whites play Brazil, where we missed 5 zip.
At the rowing a photographic camera is affiliated to a diagonal product line, so rather of the usual one-dimension view of the races shot from a car running aboard, the technical purists potty enjoy whole new perspectives.
Former rowing great Mike Stanley is a sane observer to pair with Peter Montgomery, world Health Organization froths at the mouth like the foam on the water and this is only the heats.
He starts off sounding like an emphysemic Sam Hunt and ends up career it wish racing reviewer Keith Hobbs at a photo finish.
As for United States President George Bush and wife Laura waving their lilliputian American flag as the American teams passed by during the opening, I wonder what they did on the tarmac for those iII hours when his plane was detained on arrival at Beijing.
The Chinese had just got wind of the speech on human rights he made on a stopover in Thailand and were doing a classic peaceful aggressive identification number on George Dubya, making the leader of the free earth wait and wait and wait.
At the 11th hour, when his time�s closely over, Bushypants tries to come over all political. How bwave.
* What do you think of TVNZ's Olympic coverage? Post your comments under.
More info
